I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
