it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
