I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
