Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Screwed.edu
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
