after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
