it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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