In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
