i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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