I'm lost and stupid without you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its not stalking. its research.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
