If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
