She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
