Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out

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(313): View more from Michigan

Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.

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