I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
