Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
