i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
