i just wanna soil my oats bro
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
