Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
