just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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