onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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