come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
