it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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