i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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