Umm I'm too high to move.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
