wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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