So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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