In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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