A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
