Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
