i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
