You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
