After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
