Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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