those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
