I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She needs sedatives and a leash
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
