I looked at my own cervix.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
