I will die if light touches me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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