areolas are like halos for boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
