Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
