Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
