theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
