Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love accidental penises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
