Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
