what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
