no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
