I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
jump out the window naked night went bad
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
