Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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