You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
