I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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