the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
