Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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