I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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