I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
