I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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