She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
