I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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