Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
