oh god the rape fog is back!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
